exchanges

a while ago, a friend of mine who is a nurse, was explaining why *exchanges* aren't the best way to go for eating disordered folks.  i remember her saying something like *an anorexic, when faced with the decision to pick the average apple, will pick the smallest*.  so over time, the smallest things are continually chosen thereby reducing the caloric intake.

i thought to myself:  there's no way!  there's no way that someone with an eating disorder will consistently choose the smallest *exchange*.  i mean what if it's something they really LIKE to eat.... or if they are REALLY hungry???????

well, i'm living proof that she is RIGHT.  i can't believe that when i am faced with choosing something like an apple or a pastry at panera, i always go for the smallest.....  holy hell!  what is that about?  i'm truly shocked.  i mean I LIKE APPLES!  and the caloric value of one that's a smidge bigger wouldn't be that much of a difference- but my brain simply WILL NOT ALLOW me to choose the average-sized one....  i must choose the smaller....

sigh.

i need to run errands and G-R-O-C-E-R-Y shop.  it USED to be one of my fav activities EVER.  but now i dread it....  more later.

thanks for reading!  namaste, my sweet sissies....
xoxoxo